The Husband

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man.

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife".

A Scary Ride

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now, please sit back and relax... Oh my god!" 

The passengers sat in silence, waiting for terrible news. 

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight- attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" 

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

The Truckie

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

Smart Guy

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 each," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

Nuns Redecorating

The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes. 

The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting. 

Suddenly there is a knock at the door. 

"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns. 

"Blind man," comes the reply. 

The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door. 

"Whoa, sister! Where do you want these blinds?"

Lateral Thinking

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. 

At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. 

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Aussies. "Watch and learn," answers one of the New Zealanders. 

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three New Zealanders cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. 

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." 

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. 

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the New Zealanders on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). 

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the New Zealanders don't buy a ticket at all!! 

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Aussie. 

"Watch and learn," answers a New Zealander. When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and soon after the three New Zealanders cram into another nearby. The train departs. 

Shortly afterwards, one of the New Zealanders leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Aussies are hiding. 

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

The Murder Trial

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. 

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!" 

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. 

Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." 

With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty. 

"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door." 

"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client didn't!"

The Gas Men

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

Lawyer Hater

A tourist in San Francisco walks into an antique shop in Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as thousands of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously. Now, there are millions of rats, closely following. By the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco bay with the other, as far as he can heave it.

Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."

So You Want A Day Off?

So you want a day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking for!

There are 365 days this year.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only one day available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!

The Materialistic Lawyer

One day, there was a lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eagerly showing it off to his colleagues; when all of the sudden, an eighteen wheeler appeared out of nowhere, and tore off the driver's side door, with him standing right there.

"NOOO!" he screamed. He knew that no matter which mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RIPPED OFF BY SOME CRAZY TRUCK DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed.

"Your a lawyer, aren't you?" stated the policeman.

"Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?" the lawyer asked.

"HA! You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about are your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm was missing did you?" the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his arm and screamed, "MY ROLEX!" 

Lawyer Fishing

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

The Barber

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"

It Was My Turn!

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside of a
bar in Melcher , IOWA . After last call the officer
noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he
could barely walk. 

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few 

minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After 

what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys 

on five different vehicles, the man managed to find 

his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes 

as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
 

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on
and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked
the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the
horn and then switched on the lights. 

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed 

a little and then remained still for a few more minutes 

as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At 

last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot,
he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
 

The police officer, having waited patiently all this
time, now started up his patrol car, put on the
flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and 

administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, 

the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man 

had consumed any alcohol at all!


Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you 

to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer 

equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud "drunk". "Tonight, I'm the 

designated decoy." 

Viagra

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask about reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who inquired as to her progress.

The poor lady exclaimed, "Oh, doctor, it was horrible! Just horrible!"

"Really? What happened? " asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped my clothes to shreds and took me then and there, on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"

"It was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show my face in that Starbucks again!" 

Meeting the Parents

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer, without exploding.

A tiny fart escaped.

"SPOT!" Yelled the young woman's mother, to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.

Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.

"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.

"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here now, before he shits on you!" 

Holy Matrimony!

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... ' He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted .

'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvre s that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

'But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Ok.

LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. SHUT THE HELL UP! DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO ANY DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER. GOT IT, JACKASS?'

and...they lived happily ever after. 

An Irish Blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the casino in Las Vegas. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

 

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue 

yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

 
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! 

I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes 

and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

        
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,

Not all blondes are dumb,

But all men...are men.

Can I Smoke While I Pray?

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray ?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

George Bush or The Republicans?

In the light of all the criticism that George Bush is an idiot, the Republicans decide to hold a “George Bush Is Not Stupid” convention. Eighty thousand Republicans meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium.

Trent Lott says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that George Bush is not stupid. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce President George Bush.”

After the cheers die down. Lott says “Mr. President, we’re going to prove to the world once and for all that you are not stupid. So tell us, what is 15 plus 15?”

Bush, after scrunching up his face and concentrating real hard for a moment, declares, “Eighteen!”

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the 80,000 Republicans start cheering, “Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!”

Trent Lott says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place, I guess we can do that.” So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”

After nearly 30 seconds of chin-rubbing and grimacing, Bush meekly asks “Ninety?”

Trent Lott is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened.

But then Bush starts pouting, and suddenly the 80,000 Republicans begin to yell and wave their hands, shouting again “Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!”

Lott, unsure whether he’s doing more harm than good, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance — What is 2 plus 2?”

Bush looks down, counts on his fingers, and after a whole minute, proudly announces “Four.”

A moment of total silence, then an electric charge surges through the stadium as pandemonium breaks out.

All 80,000 Republicans jump to their feet.

These GOP partisans start to wave their arms, stomp their feet and create a deafening roar:

“GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE!”

The Difference Between Telling and Explaining

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.

“That’s humiliation,” shouts the Iraqi, “why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!”

The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.

After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, “Tell me why you didn’t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?”

The Iraqi said, “You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it.”

Blonde Moment

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don’t sell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

‘I’m sorry,’ says the pharmacist, ‘We don’t have any.’

‘But, I always buy it here,’ says the blonde.

‘Do you have the container that it came in?’ asks the pharmacist.

‘Yes,’ said the blonde , ‘I’ll go home and get it.’

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, ‘This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.’

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container ….

‘TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.

One Could Dream...

A bum walked into the welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said,

“Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

The worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful 30 year old daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year.”

The guy, wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshi$$in’ me!”

The welfare worker said, “Yeah, well . . . you started it.”

Fluck

An Asian woman goes in to her local National Australia Bank Branch and begins exchanging her money.

After the transaction is complete she asks the teller ‘Why it change, yesterday I get two hunat dollar for my money, today I only get hunat eighty?’

The teller looked over his glasses and says very slowly….’fluctuations’.

The Asian woman narrows her eyes and says, ‘fluck you Aussies too’

Blondes Digging Holes

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again. 

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing.

So he asked the hole digger, ‘I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it… why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?’

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, ‘Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team.

But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.’

Quick-Witted Old Farmer

An elderly farmer in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the crocodile.’

Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.

Flight to Chicago

A commercial airplane is in flight to Chicago, when a blonde woman sitting in economy gets up and moves to an open seat in the first class section. A flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must return to her seat in the economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde woman replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success convicing the woman to return to economy, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He kneels down next to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

“I told her first class isn’t going to Chicago.”

Special Sandals

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”

So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Pakistani man replied, “Just try dem on, Sahib.”

Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years – raw sexual power. In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down the man’s pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani’s thighs.

The terrified Pakistani then began screaming, “YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!”